Ep #1: The Truth about Emotions

It’s time to crush the stigma around mental health. The truth is, most successful ambitious people work on their mental health. Why? Because your mental health impacts everything you do; your relationships, your job, your parenting, your faith, even your physical health.

If you want to meet your personal and professional goals while actually enjoying your life, it starts with learning how to support your inner world so you can be successful in the real world.

Welcome to Mental Health Remix, a show for ambitious humans who are ready to feel, think, and be different. If you want to stop struggling with perfectionism, build better relationships, and connect with yourself and your potential, this is the place for you…

Here’s your host, educator, coach and licensed psychotherapist, Nicole Symcox…

Hey, hey everyone, welcome to episode number one. It is very exciting today because we are officially launching this podcast into the world and it has been a labor of love to say the least. So it’s very exciting, also terrifying, but I’m trying to focus on the exciting part. So, I’m really glad that you’re here with me today and we can just kind of dive in.

So today, I thought we would talk a little bit about emotions and fear and how this stuff comes up for us. Some of my heart and passion for wanting to start a podcast like this was to get good information about mental health and topics to help you grow and achieve your personal goals.

I think there’s a lot of gimmicks out there and a lot of false promises about quick fixes. And when you want to really transform and when you really want to make your life move in positive ways, there really is no shortcut and there is no escaping the actual work.

But I think, as people learn how to do the actual work, it becomes less daunting and less scary and we feel more empowered, like we can actually take those steps. I think, when we live in the dark of what emotions are and how to process them and make them work for us in our lives, we get a little confused and anxious, and then we feel like we want to just block out all of these emotional feelings and thoughts because they don’t make a whole lot of sense to us and we don’t see the benefit in them.

But truly, taking the time to figure this out for yourself, working with someone, or learning some new skills is probably one of the biggest most impactful things that you can do for yourself and for your life.

So, in this podcast, I want to drop the stigma around mental health. I want to normalize the conversation and change it up a bit. I want us to be able to talk about how we feel and how to reframe those things in an empowered way, not from a place of feeling afraid of ourselves or afraid of our emotions or afraid of our thoughts because, honestly, all of that is changeable.

And if you’ve been living with strong emotions for a long time, there’s a strong chance that that doesn’t feel changeable, but I want to reassure you that there are tools and strategies and, you know, processes that you can engage in to make some changes for yourself.

So, before we go any further in diving in, I just want to take a second to introduce myself since I may be new to some of you. My name is Nicole and I am an educator, a life coach, and a licensed psychotherapist in the state of California. I am an EMDR trained clinician and I specialize in the treatment of PTSD and anxiety disorders in both kids and adults.

I actually started my career as a full-blown child therapist. I was seeing children as young as three and a half with all kinds of attachment and anxiety and behavioral issues. And as I got further along in my career, I started incorporating adults as well, who were healing from traumatic childhoods and sexual abuse and PTSD and some other things.

So my practice sort of expanded organically. So now I see both adults and kids in my practice. And I have to tell you, I absolutely love my work. And I think, in part, what empowers me to love my work and do what I do is that I’ve worked on my own stuff.

So when I tell you that you need to heal from your past, make meaning out of your experiences and reframe your thoughts and allow your emotions to process and flow, I get it from a very sincere level of I’ve been there, I’ve done that.  I’ve worked through my own trauma story and it was the best thing that I ever did because it breathed life into me like I didn’t even know was possible.

Like, I didn’t even have a concept that you could feel and think and be better. And so that’s where I sort of started to realize, from my own personal walk in it. And then I learned how to do clinical skills. I became a therapist and became specialized in how to really help people break free from these unconscious stuck patterns that they get into and managing their mind and managing their emotions and their anxiety. And I started seeing the same type of results in my clients that I had experienced.

So I feel very convicted in this. From personal experience, from my clinical work, I really think that if you’re willing to make the commitment to yourself and find the right therapist and find the right treatment modalities and find the right support, I really think you can make a change in your life. But it does take commitment. It does take perseverance. It takes a ton of bravery and a lot of courage. So again, going back to what we said, there’s no quick fixes, but it is absolutely possible if you want to invest in that process.

So, in addition to this, I actually have teaching in my blood.  I love being a teacher. I actually was a preschool teacher for a good amount of time in my early, early 20s. And then later on, when I was in college, I was really considering becoming a kindergarten teacher or some type of teacher.

And in the end, after doing some soul searching and reflecting on who I am as a person and my gifts and talents, I actually ended up deciding to go into therapy instead and becoming a therapist. So, I went that route. I’m super glad I did. I think it’s a perfect fit. But I’ve still been able to teach in different capacities.

So I’ve taught for a long time in universities. I’ve taught in Bachelor’s programs in their psychology departments. I’ve also taught in Master’s programs for MFTs, which are marriage family therapists, teaching different courses at the university level.

And in addition to this, I’ve been asked to guest speak for many different schools and churches and corporations and nonprofit organizations. And one of the things that I love most about what I do, both in therapy and as an educator, is helping people learn that they can think, feel, and be different no matter what their past experiences have been.

And so you’re going to hear me say that often. And I think that that’s one of the cool things about a podcast like this. I am going to be taking on mental health topics directly, so things like perfectionism, anxiety, boundaries, healthy relationships, parenting, things like that.

And so the way we’re going to structure the episodes is I’m going to give you some of the good evidence-based information that’s out there, and then just some tangible tools on how to do it. Now, it’s never to substitute therapy or advice from a mental health professional, but I think it can be a nice tool, some encouragement. We’re going to have some fun with it.

And hopefully it’s just inspiring to you and encouraging along your way to personal growth and development for both your professional and your personal goals because the second aspect of this podcast is I want you to understand that achieving your goals and your emotional health are not separate things. I’ll say it again; they are not separate things.

The way you see, feel, think, and do life has to do with the quality of your emotional health. And you do all of those things through a filter. So if any part of that feels unhealthy, unresolved, or you feel confused or anxious or depressed, it’s going to be very difficult to be productive in the rest of your life.

Or, what I see often for people is a split develops. They become hyper-available in achievement and not so good in relationships or they become really good in relationships and not so good at achieving their goals, right? And I want to tell you that it is absolutely possible to be integrated, to use both sides of yourself to become a powerhouse. And that is the power that can only really be achieved, in my opinion, through therapy.

So, one of the things, I think, that comes up for people a lot is around emotions. People can be really, really afraid of emotions. And really, the truth about emotions is that it’s just energy in the body. So with any kind of energy in the body, it needs a place to go.

So, if you think about a time when you’ve been really, really angry, if you notice the body sensations that are associated with that, you’re going to feel a major electrical charge, right? Your fists are probably going to tighten up. Your legs are going to tighten up, almost like you’re ready for a fight. Like, your body almost takes a fight stance because you’re angry.

And so, for a lot of people, they have to learn how to deal with their anger in a healthy way that lets that energy out whilst still staying safe to themselves and others. And so this is why, of course, exercise is one of those things. And I’m using the example of anger. But this is actually true of sadness too. So let me talk about sadness for a second.

If you’ve ever felt that emotion of sadness, you can feel almost the exact opposite. It’s almost like energy is being drained from your body. You almost feel weak, heavy, like defeated or confused or anxious. But if you’ve ever taken the time to notice, how does your body actually experience sadness, you’re going to notice an energy shift.

So this is what I mean; emotions are energy in the body and they need a place to go. So this is why journaling, exercising, arts, talking to a trusted friend – there’s lots of examples – but those are just a few examples of the way you can work with emotions to kind of process just some of the, quote en quote, electrical charge of the thing.

The other thing about emotions that you need to understand is that they are messengers, okay. So if you are experiencing an emotional experience, there is also a message lodged into all of that energy that’s in your body. And it’s usually going to be a really simple one.

So if you’re feeling sad, the message in there might be, I feel trapped, or I feel defeated, or I feel lost, or I feel confused. But there’s going to be some kind of message. And that message is usually the root of what is actually making you sad.

And so when we learn how to sit in our bodies and hear this message of pain and hear the actual message of what our emotions are trying to say, a lot of times, it takes the charge out and it takes the confusion out because here’s what makes dealing with your emotions worse; if you have a strong feeling coming up for you and then you don’t understand what that means, you’re going to have panic and overwhelm on top of whatever emotional experience that you’re having.

And that’s just a cluster of confusion for people and that’s just going to make things worse. And that’s, a lot of times, when people go into avoidance or numbing out because they’re like, “Dude, I am out. I’m not doing this thing. I don’t even understand myself right now. This is extremely overwhelming. I just don’t get it so I’m just not going to feel it.”

And so we go to great lengths to avoid the feelings. But when you engage in the healing process, you start to learn to listen to yourself in a whole new way. You start to be able to align yourself, you know, hear what these messages and emotions are saying and answer them, right?

So, as a message, maybe a fear comes up. Can you come alongside that message of fear and offer it compassion? Almost like a small child, can you comfort it like a small child that is afraid? And a lot of times, when we give this space to our emotions, they calm down. They just want to be heard and understood.

And then your logical brain has an opportunity to step in and reframe and kind of, you know, discover the options. Like, okay, well maybe, since we can’t do what we had originally planned, instead of feeling a heap of defeat and sadness, you can allow that side to speak to you and then allow your logical brain to kick in and be like, “Okay, here’s what our options are.” And then you can proceed from a better place of knowledge or logic.

And I see this a lot in many of my clients. They wrestle with this battle of logic and emotion. A lot of my clients are highly intelligent educated people who make great logical arguments from a rational space of knowledge. And they know everything that they should be doing or they know what direction that they should be taking. And yet, they get stuck in the emotional web of the thing.

And it’s incredibly frustrating, especially if you’re a high-achiever, you’re like, “Why am I able to meet every single goal in my life except for mastering myself? I can’t seem to master these emotions.” And I want to invite you to just have grace for yourself.

Learning how to sit with your emotions and interpret them and hear them and respond and reframe is a healing process. And as you engage in it, you are going to get better in it. But I would invite you to just have grace for yourself, for where you are, and what you’re learning.

And in fact, just inviting yourself into a space of grace for anything that you’re learning how to do, like, just being open to the process and learning, like having a learner’s mindset and being open to the opportunities to grow, change, and be different is a great mindset to have. It’s more flexible.

But if you label yourself as a failure or you can’t do something right, you’re going to feel locked in and it’s going to be difficult to move forward because you’ve given your brain and your emotions no options. You’ve already labeled it and you’ve decided it’s over and it’s done. So it’s very, very important that we stay in a healthy mindset of, “I’m learning, growing, and getting better every single day,” and if we don’t know how to do this, having the bravery and the courage to step out and get support from someone who can actually help us.

And that’s not where it stops. Like, I hear from a lot of people that sometimes they go to therapy and they don’t like it or they try a support group and it wasn’t their kind of people, like they didn’t feel heard or understood by those people or they took a class and it wasn’t really helpful. And so I just want to encourage you to persevere through that.

Like, there’s a lot of different options. There’s a ton of therapists in the world. There’s a ton of courses in the world. You just have to find the thing that aligns best and works best for you. And then, once you find it, you need to stick with it.  Once you find the thing that’s actually working for you and helping you be who you want to be and reach your goals, you need to stick with it.

Alright, my friends, I’m hoping that that was a little bit helpful in kind of thinking through and demystifying some of these emotions and what’s possible for you in your life because I truly believe that the possibilities for you are endless, but it takes you embracing that truth and understanding what you need to do to make it possible for yourself. I really believe in you and I really want you to believe in you.

And before we end the show, I want to do a little disclaimer here as a way to empower your sense of wellbeing. If you notice things come up for you when you’re listening to this podcast such as strong emotions, feeling triggered or stuck, I highly recommend you seek support from a mental health professional in your local state of residence.

As we talked about today, you have to remember triggers and emotional responses are just information that something in your emotional world needs support. And there is no shame in seeking out mental health support from a licensed therapist, doctor, or someone else in your local state of residence.

Alright, my friends, I am cheering your success already. I’m so excited for you because again, I really believe in you and think that you can do great things. So, if you enjoyed today’s show and you don’t want to worry about missing an upcoming episode because you’re super pumped about what we have coming, you can subscribe on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to your podcasts.

And if you haven’t already, I would really appreciate if you could leave a rating and a review to let me know what you think and to help others find this podcast. You can visit my website at nicolesymcox.com/podcastlaunch for step by step instructions on how to subscribe, rate, and review. Alright, my friends, until next time.

Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of Mental Health Remix. If you like what you’ve heard and want to learn more, go to nicolesymcox.com.

© 2019 Nicole Symcox, all rights reserved